Teachers and childcare workers operate at the frontlines of preschool and school-age social development. You are in a position to observe children as they play, form social groups, and learn to interact with one another. Consequently, you may witness — or hear about — situations when relationally aggressive behaviors take place. Since not every school or childcare center has an established policy regarding relationship-directed aggression or bullying, it may be up to you to determine that relational aggression will not be tolerated in your classroom.

Preschool

During early childhood, relational aggression is often (though not always) direct and relatively easy to observe. For example, preschoolers may say things like “I won’t be your friend,” “You can’t play with us,” or “You can’t come to my birthday party.” Preschool teachers and daycare workers should be aware of these kinds of hurtful behaviors and intercede when they occur. It is also possible to be proactive in preventing relational aggression by devoting time to teaching your students about acceptance and inclusion. Make your classroom an “Everyone Can Play Zone.” Initiate reciprocal exchanges with your students about friendship. Have your children draw pictures, write stories, or act out scenarios depicting the importance of treating each other with respect and kindness.

Elementary/Middle School

As children get older, forms of relational aggression often change. For example, aggression may become more subtle or indirect, and as a result, it may be more difficult for teachers to observe. As the importance of the peer group increases during this period so does the potential impact of relational victimization. Conventional wisdom points to middle school as the peak of relational aggression and victimization; however it is important to note that research has neither confirmed nor discredited this notion.

Regardless, relational aggression remains a problem throughout this age range and should be treated as seriously as physical aggression. Indeed, recent research suggests that verbal (e.g. insults) and relational aggression often precede physical encounters. While there aren’t any empirically tested intervention or prevention programs for this age group yet that doesn’t mean education professional are powerless against RA. Research on other unwanted social behaviors has demonstrated the need for a united front that a) informs students what constitutes the targeted behavior; b) these behaviors are unacceptable at all times and places within the school; and c) there will be swift and meaningful consequences.

High School

Relatively little research has been done on relational aggression in high schools. However, we do know that relational aggression exists at this age and often involves the romantic relationships many students pursue. The actual aggressive behaviors are usually very subtle and covert but this heightened level of sophistication can also mean the intensity of victimization increases dramatically. Rumors about sexual activity and orientation or widespread ostracism can be devastating. Unfortunately, the structure of the school day (multiple teachers with no real homeroom) makes it very difficult for concerned adults to observe relational aggression, much less do something about it. Moreover, students view themselves as being independent of teachers or counselors and are often reluctant or unwilling to share details about their personal relationships.